For a number of years, I’ve volunteered
behind-the-scenes with the Jacquelyn Bogue Foundation by editing and writing some of the Foundation’s
material. Thank you to everyone who’s taken part in the hop this week. I’ve
been truly touched by the outpouring of support. To end the week, I’ve invited Linda
Borders Killian, LCSW, MFT, from the Foundation, to offer some specifics about
suicide and support for survivors.
Please give her
a warm welcome –
Survivors
Of a Loved One’s Suicide (aka
SOLOS)
"As
anyone who has been close to someone that
has
committed suicide knows, there is no other pain like
that
felt after the incident”
~~Peter
Greene~~
Coping
with the Loss of a Loved One’s Suicide Where Do I Start?
If
you have lost someone to suicide, the first thing you should know is that you
are not alone. Each year, more than 33,000 people in the United States die by
suicide.
The
devastated family and friends they leave behind are known as Survivors. There
are millions of survivors who, like you, are trying to cope with this
heartbreaking loss.
Survivors
often experience a wide range of grief reactions, including some or all of the
following:
- Shock,
you may feel numb or disoriented, and may have trouble concentrating.
- Symptoms
of depression, including disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, intense sadness,
and lack of energy.
- Anger toward
the deceased, another family member, a therapist, or yourself.
- Relief, particularly
if the suicide followed a long and difficult mental or physical illness.
- Guilt, including
thinking, "If only . . . " and "Why"
Although
most survivors will tell you that things are never the same, those same
survivors will reassure you that you will reach a "new normal" in time.
Your
recovery will be different than someone who has lost someone to a non-suicidal
death, so it is very important for you to be patient with the time it will take
for your unique recovery process. Go easy on yourself.
Studies
show that, although losing a loved one to suicide is definitely a suicide risk
factor, survivors who seek counseling and/or participate in a survivor support
group are LESS likely than the general population to end their own lives.
Every
survivors experience is different and is on an individualized time frame. Just
like there are no two finger prints exactly alike, there is no recovery process
that is exactly the same. Eventually the most painful feelings will diminish a
bit over time, and you will learn, not
“get over it” but “go through it,” coming at of the experience with your new
normal. Things don’t really get better, so better not to expect, things just
changes with time as we get stronger because of our loss. We will never forget
what happened, only learn form it and move on to the new normal we choose
today, and every day thereafter.
For
more information on support to survivors of a loved one’s suicide, go to www.jboguefoundation.com
Support Links page and look under Survivor Support.
For
information about suicide call 1 800 SUICIDE to speak to a trained counselor
24/7.
Call for yourself or together with a friend or loved one.
Common Myths of Suicide
You, me, we all
can make a difference. On this day we remember more people in the world die by
suicide than war and murder combined. By taking just five minutes to become
informed about suicide you can make a difference.
Suicide is a
serious public health problem that takes an enormous toll on families, friends,
classmates, co-workers and communities, as well as on our military personnel
and veterans.
To
understand why people die by suicide, and why so many others attempt to take
their own lives, it is important to know the facts. To know the facts we must
first dispel the all too common myths of suicide. Once you know that facts, you will feel the
confident you can help save lives.
Myth: Suicide can’t be prevented. If
someone is set on taking their own life, there is nothing that can be done to
stop them.
Fact: Suicide is preventable. The vast majority of people
contemplating suicide don’t really want to die. They are seeking an end to
intense mental and/or physical pain. Most are suffering from depression a
condition of the brain that is treatable. Your Intervention can save a life.
Myth: People who take their own life are
selfish, cowards, weak or are just looking for “attention.”
Fact: More than 90% of people who take
their own life have at least one and often more than one treatable mental
conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and/or
alcohol and substance abuse. With better recognition and treatment many
suicides can be prevented.
Myth: Asking someone if they are thinking
about suicide will put the idea in their head and cause them to act on it.
Fact: When you fear someone you know is
in crisis or depressed, asking them if they are thinking about suicide can
actually help, often you see them visibly relieved by your honesty and concern.
By giving a person an opportunity to open up and share their troubles you can
help alleviate their pain and find solutions.
Myth: Teenagers and college students are
the most at risk for suicide.
Fact: The suicide rate for this age group is
below the national average. Suicide risk increases with age. Currently, the age
group with the highest suicide rate in the U.S. is middle-aged men and women
between the ages of 45 and 64. The suicide rate is still highest among white
men over the age of 65. Depression is does not naturally go along with aging,
many older people are depression free and very happy with their lives.
Myth: Barriers on bridges, safe firearm
storage and other actions to reduce access to lethal methods of suicide don’t
work. People will just find another way.
Fact: Limiting access to lethal methods
of suicide is the best strategies for suicide prevention. Many suicides
can be impulsive and triggered by an immediate crisis. Separating someone in
crisis from a lethal method (e.g., a firearm) can give them something they
desperately need: time. Time to change
their mind, time to resolve the crisis, time for someone to intervene, is what
we need to help the suicidal person get.
Myth: Someone making suicidal threats
won’t really do it, they are just looking for attention.
Fact: Those who talk about suicide or
express thoughts about wanting to die, are at risk for suicide and need your
attention. Most people who die by suicide give some indication or warning. Take
all threats of suicide seriously. Even if you think they are just “crying for
help”-a cry for help, is a cry for help-so help. Better to overact than not at
all.
Myth: Talk therapy and/or medications
don’t work.
Fact: Treatment can work. One of the best
ways to prevent suicide is by getting treatment for mental illnesses such as
depression, bipolar illness and/or substance abuse and learning ways to solve
problems. Finding the best treatment can take some time, and the right
treatment can greatly reduce risk of suicide. In fact, it can bring you back
your life.
For information about suicide call 1 800 SUICIDE to speak to a trained counselor
24/7. Call for yourself or together with a friend or loved one.
-- Linda Borders Killian, LCSW, MFT
Thank you for
visiting this stop on the Suicide Prevention Week – Authors Care Hop. Please make
sure to visit the other hosts – each should be giving out a prize. For those
commenting on my blog, the winner will have a choice of a book from my
backlist.
The grand
prize is one (1) $50 gift certificate to Amazon. The winner will be chosen
randomly from Rafflecopter entries on Sunday, 9/15/13. Hop stops will be
responsible for awarding their own prizes.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
