Wednesday, February 29, 2012

What’s it’s Like to be a Bear and 50 in a Twink World

By Tom Webb aka A Bear on Books

Hi, everyone.  My name is Tom W and I am a bear.  *Hi Tom!*

I guess the first thing I should do is tell you, I have always been a big hairy guy.  Even in high school, I was tall and stocky and hairy.  And gay.  Didn’t have a clue what being gay was all about – this was in the 70’s, and hairy was in.  Think Burt Reynolds, Sam Elliott in Lifeguard.  Yeah.

So I grew up with some masculine role models, but being gay in the South wasn’t easy.  I kept it hidden mostly, and after high school it was suddenly college and a chance for freedom.  It was 1979 and I thought, finally, I can go off and meet some other men like me and then it will all be good

Then the 80’s happened and suddenly slim shaved young men came into vogue as the gay ideal.  All the porn changed from hairy chested guys with moustaches to blonde boys with shaved…everythings.  And suddenly it was like being back in the closet again. 

The little unspoken secret of the gay world, even back then, was the double standard that exists.  See, all us gay guys (I’m not gonna try to talk about gay women – I’m not one and anything I can say would be wrong anyway) want to be looked at and treated as equals with our straight counterparts.

But, there are two camps in Gaytopia.  The haves and the have nots.  The haves are the pretty boys and they think they make all the rules.  The have nots are the rest of us. The bigger guys.  Older.  Hairy.  Ask some of my friends here in Atlanta, and you will find out it’s the minorities too.  Anybody who isn’t young, slim, toned, smooth and hot.

So, I stuck around and dated a little and then, wonder of wonders, in the 90’s,  found something.  A group here in the big city that was nothing but men like me.  Big old hairy guys who like to be comfortable and don’t shave our chests. *cue music*  Bears!

I seriously thought it was a joke when I saw the ad for Atlanta Bears (later Southern Bears).  They met at The Eagle, and there was also another group called Girth and Mirth, which catered to big guys and those who like em (Chubs and Chasers).

And the gates of Heaven opened and the Angels sang.  No, for real.  I went to a few Saturday night gatherings and suddenly, “we” were the majority.  We all looked at each other with pride and attraction and nobody shaved (well, except for faces, and not all of us that) and it was relaxed and we all could wear jeans and tees and be…normal.  And other guys liked what they saw.

Then I started seeing more and more of us on television.  In ads.  And in movies.  Kevin James.  Tom Selleck back again.  John Goodman.  It became okay to be bigger, hairier and older.

And I was all three. 

Now here I am at 50, and the chest hair is turning a little silver and the goatee is almost all white.  I shave my head and damn it, I like myself.  And guess what – so do a lot of other people.  Sure, they like to look at twinks, but I get messages all the time from men AND women saying, “I’d love to cuddle up to you”.

*Blush*

So now I’m part of the norm, of the mainstream.  How do I feel about that?  Well, I’m still me.  Nothing there has changed.  But what has changed is society’s view of what is sexy and attractive, for men at least.

I’m not Brad Pitt, but I don’t wanna be.  I wanna be Tom Webb, Bear.

Now come crawl into my cave and hibernate a little with me, okay?  Grrr.


Visit me at my blog for reviews of M/M related books:  www.tom-webb.blogspot.com

I am the Director of Finance for a nonprofit agency in Atlanta, Georgia. We provide housing assistance for people living with HIV/AIDS, which is a cause very close to my heart. I am 50, single, have four dogs who are my kids, and read just about anything I can get my hands on. I love my family and friends, and as with most things, a little of each goes a long way.

Tom is giving away a set of the Amy Lane "Promise Rock" series to one lucky commenter. So make sure you leave your email address to be contacted! Contests runs through the end of the tour.

We’ve got a full week planned, with contest giveaways at every stop. Please visit the other authors on our tour, check out the full schedule Bear Talk Blog Hop.

36 comments:

  1. Love your post Tom! As a hairy man nearing 50 himself, I'm right there with you. And I love me some Sam Elliott. Whew! So glad you found a group that you call home. Keep up the good work!

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  2. Tom...I'd cuddle with you any day...you are one of the sweetest men around! *hugs and snuggles* Loved this blog...*big smiles*

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  3. Tim you are awesome. I like men period! Lovely post!

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  4. Big ole bear hug to ya Tom! Great post and love seeing more bears and otters in mainstream ads.

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  5. Tom, what Haven said. Not only are you a lovely big cuddly bear of a man, but you're an absolute Gentleman.

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  6. *sighs* I think I'm in love... I remember the days when all I wanted to do was marry a hairy man... Can I cuddle with you too?

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  7. GREAT post Tom!!! You are awesome.

    Hugs,
    sharon

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  8. So sweet, so honest. Love the post Tom!! I'm not a fan of big and hairy, but you are an exception. I'd cuddle up with you any old day....and love, love, love the last sentence. Grrr right backatcha big boy!! *snuggles with her Tombear*

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  9. *snuggles next to Tom* Tombear I adore you :-) Love the post sweetie....You rock!

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  10. Great read! Although not gay, I think bears are great!

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  11. Hi Tom. Don't change a hair on your...well, you fill in the blank. It's nice to know you and thanks for the other Tom Selleck photo today. He's a class favorite, it seems.

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  12. I love hairy men! I married one (although he's a bit on the smallish side, lol!). And, IMO, 50 is far better than 19! We really ARE getting better, Tom! ;-)

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  13. This was a wonderful post, thanks for sharing this with us Tom!!
    Smooth is nice to look at, but nothing compared to rubbing all over a big furry bear like a cat!! Rawr!!

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  14. I love you Tombear. Wonderful post and thank you for sharing your story and also being my friend. You are amazing.

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  15. Aww, what bear luv for Tom! Grazie to so many for stopping by already. It's wonderful to get different voices on the blog!

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  16. Hooray for Bears!!! Love the post, Tom. I like the pretty boys fine, but there's just something about fur...well, you know how I feel, lol

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  17. I have to agree with BL...I love all men--esp those that are confident in themselves! Thanx, Tom, for a great and insightful post! :)

    ~Jane~

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  18. Tom,
    You sound like a wonderful bear to snuggle! Thanks for your blog!

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  19. I have always loved Bears. I don't care for beards and mustaches unless they are neatly trimmed but I love those hairy chests, arms, and legs. That is so sexy! You can keep the twinks. Real men have hair.

    smg5775@yahoo.coo

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  20. Great post Tom. There will always be double standards. The key is to be happy with yourself even when you are in a class all on your own.

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  21. I loved your post, Tom - being a 61 year old blue-collar bear, I really knew where you were coming from. I mention in my post on Friday on Margie Church's blog (http://blog.romancewithsass.com/)memories of discovering Bear Magazine in the 1980's, when it was still a small format pamphlet.

    I loved doing the Bear Talk blog tour, since it got writers and readers talking about the variety of men we find attractive. I'm a lucky old daddy-bear - I found a younger bear 30 years ago and have managed to keep in chained to the bed all this time (g) Actually, it's sort of the other way around, but never mind...

    {{{BEARHUS}}}

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    1. Lmao Ike! Can't wait for your post tomorrow and I'm sooo glad both you guys joined Bear-Talk!!

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  22. I enjoy lots of your reviews and believe that we need to have many body and personality types in the world!

    Ann
    Kyreadinggirl@yahoo.com

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  23. Tom:

    I've been trying to be clever for the past 15 minutes. You know, trying to come up with something witty in reply to your post. The fact is nothing but the truth will work in response. And that truth is that you moved me to tears. But don't worry. They were good tears. The kind that spring forth when confronted with something that rings deep within me, something I can relate to, or something I've experienced.

    I'm lucky that my first few boyfriends liked me for who I was at an early age. But when I hit 20, it all changed. Funny how so many of us have shared similar paths and experiences without ever knowing one another.

    Thank you for sharing Tom W. I send you a huge bear hug.

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  24. Great post, Tom. It's good to be yourself. Everyone needs to find a way to do that.

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  25. Inspiring post, Tom! Thank you so much for sharing a part of your journey with us!

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  26. Tom, embarrassingly enough, I was doing the same as Johnny...trying to find something witty (or otherwise) to write. I LOVED your post! It moved me greatly and I guess I'm getting in line to hug and cuddle with you now. :D

    Tt

    tigerblossoms at hotmail dot com

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    1. Teresa and Johnny -- It just reads heartfelt and honest, doesn't it? I think that's a major reason why Tom's words have made such an impact. I'm glad I've gotten to *know* him through this tour.

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  27. You are are way too kind, and your words really mean a lot to me. Thanks!

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  28. Great to read your story :) I love to learn new things! And good that you kept on being yourself!

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  29. *big bear hug* Lovely post Tom! So glad you found a place and a way to be comfortable with the you that you were meant to be!

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  30. Wonderful post Tom....you sure you're not a writer? LOL

    Karen Candido

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  31. Hope you have a big sofa, my bear!

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  32. My favorite part of your post is this: How do I feel about that? Well, I’m still me.

    Staying true to who we are is the most important thing. Nice Post!

    Thanks,
    Donna
    donnafisk@bellsouth.net

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  33. A very nice informational blog.Keep on making such important blog post.Your work is really being appreciated by some one.

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