The BDSM Lifestyle for Readers with Dr. Charley

As promised, Dr. Charley Ferrer, a Clinical Sexologist, returns to add some additional insight into the BDSM Lifestyle. Her groundbreaking book BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH provides a glimpse into the Lifestyle for readers.

Have questions? Dr. Charley will drop by and answer a few, and one commenter will win an electronic copy of her book. Also, she’s running her own contest, which she’ll explain below.

Louisa: What are the lightest, entry-level forms of BDSM?

Dr. Charley: BDSM is all about increments. From light to extreme.  From service to spirituality. To physical interactions and everything in between.  Here’s a very simple example: 

Raise your hands above your head.  Straight up.  Pretend there’s something up on the ceiling and you are going to reach up to grab it.  Come on, you can do it. Really reach. Now put your hands back down. Did you do it? If not do it now.  If you’ve done so, you’ve just participated in a little Dominance and submission with me.  Allowing me to guide you, tell you want to do and in essence, become your Dominant for a moment. It also allowed you to become the submissive who followed my instructions.   Most individuals erroneously believe BDSM is all about “whips and chains” when in reality a large percentage of individuals who participate in D/s relationships are not into the sadomasochistic aspects of BDSM; and therein lays the misconception that Hollywood and the media have propagated.

  

Louisa: If someone is curious about the genre [the Lifestyle], are there any books that you would recommend?

Dr. Charley: I’d have to recommend my book, BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH for the general public and BDSM FOR WRITERS for authors.  Unlike most books about BDSM on the market that teach you how-to do things (throw a Whip, play with candle wax, etc), my books actually address the emotional and psychological connections individuals make in this uniquely erotica and controversial lifestyle.  BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH and BDSM FOR WRITERS pulls back the leather curtain to reveal the truths about the love, affection, and respect shared by men and women who embrace Dominance and submission. Plus it provides information on how to train a slave, the benefits and pitfalls associated with rewards and punishment, as well as valuable information and resources.  There are some other great books I’ve read and I mention several in the resource chapter in my books. To name a few off the top of my head, I’d say, almost everything from Greenery Press on BDSM is good.

Louisa: What’s a no-no? Is there anything a reader should not try?

Dr. Charley: It’s imperative to understand that there are risks involved in BDSM both physical and emotional/psychological.  It is why many practitioners adhere to RACK which stands for Risk Awareness Consensual Kink.  I highly encourage readers—and authors—who are interested in the Lifestyle, or want to write about it, to join their local BDSM organization even if you have to travel an hour to get to the meetings or go to the group two towns away.  BDSM is an adult activity! As an adult, you should be responsible and educate yourself. 

I’d also caution the reader who’s not familiar or is a newbie with D/s interactions not to attempt any of the more extreme physical examples (and in some cases the simple examples) described in a novel. Often, the author has taken liberties with the acts in order to provide you with a wonderfully compelling and visually thrilling story. That’s their job and they do it beautifully. That’s why we buy their books.  As one author stated, her books are about fantasy not reality, thus be extremely careful in what you turn into reality.

As for what not to try unless you’re experienced and have educated yourself and even have a mentor who knows what they’re doing present: suspension and anything involving Fire/Knife/Breathe Play. These all fall into the higher echelons of BDSM and are considered Edge Play. Not everyone plays at this intensity level. Remember BDSM is about increments. You don’t run before you learn to crawl.  And though it’s erotic and exciting, well…there’s another acronym we use in the Lifestyle SSC—safe, sane and consensual. 

Chuckles…of course I hear the attorney yelling in the background about ensuring to remind you that it’s your choice to participate in BDSM activities and therefore any injuries incurred whether mental, emotional, or physical are not my fault nor responsibility and you hold me—what’s that word---indemnity—not liable—no suing—excreta.

I want to take a moment to thank you all for being with me today and sharing your comments and posing you’re questions. I also want to thank Louisa for allowing me to share some of my knowledge with you all. Please feel free to visit my website(s) for further information about BDSM whether from the perspective of a writer or reader. And if you reserve a copy of either BDSM FOR WRITERS or BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH you will not only receive a $500 Digital Erotic Art collection from Captured Erotica one of the photographers featured on my writers’ book cover, but you’ll be entered to win over 31 kinky toys and even a Kindle. But hurry since the offer is good for the first 300 people only to reserve/purchase their copy. Plus if you reserve a paperback copy today, I’ll throw in a free eBook copy so you can always have it with you.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer

If you missed it, check out the first interview with Dr. Charley, where she explains her expansive and impressive education and training, and how she became a premier expert in the BDSM Lifestyle.