Dr. Charley Ferrer explains BDSM for Writers

We’ve got an extra special guest today with Dr. Charley Ferrer, a Clinical Sexologist. In a detailed interview, Dr. Charley explains her expansive and impressive education and training, and how she became a premier expert in the BDSM Lifestyle. Her upcoming novel BDSM for Writers provides an in-depth look into all aspects, but we’ll get just a taste to whet our voracious appetites.  

BDSM for Writers

Have questions? Dr. Charley will drop by and answer a few, and one commenter will win an electronic copy of her book. Also, she’s running her own contest, which she’ll explain below.

1) How did you get into your field of work, and become first a sex therapist and second, an expert in BDSM?

I “officially” discovered the BDSM Lifestyle while I was working on my Masters in Counseling Psychology. I took a course in Sex Therapy and had to treat a couple who was suffering from some form of sexual dysfunction. The man in my couple had been suffering from impotency problems for the past six months which stemmed from his desire to spank his girlfriend and the feelings of guilt associated with his desire. When I asked the girlfriend if she had a problem receiving a spanking, she immediately said, “I’d love it!” So I gave them permission to explore! He called me the follow day to share that his impotency problem was over and they were taking a week off to enjoy themselves. I was so proud of myself. My first patients cured in one-session. Yahoo! When I returned to class to share my amazing accomplishment, my follow classmates were appalled that I would “sanction” such behavior. It was at that point the philosophy for my Private Practice was born since I believe that as therapist it’s not my place to “Judge” my patients but to help them learn and explore the endless possibilities available for their sexuality and let them decide for themselves. 

I subsequently went on to learn more about sex and obtained a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, a Clinical Sexologist Certification, an Erotologist Certification, and Sex Educator degree. I’m now the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States and at the top of my field. In 2005, I created the Dominance and Submission Therapeutic Mentoring Model and presented it before the World Congress of Sexology and the International Congress of Sexologist & Medical Physicians in Latin America. For the past 15-years, I’ve created and taught various workshops incorporating aspects of BDSM, Hypnosis, self-empowerment, and sensual/ sexual enhancement for men and women, physicians, law enforcement and the mental health community—and now, writers!

2) Is there a dark side to the characterization of someone who gets into the BDSM scene? Are there character traits that a writer would want to include to make the character and the situations they are in more believable?

First we have to clarify whether you’re talking about a “dark side” to the character/person from a “villain” perspective or from someone who will use their power respectfully.  This becomes crucial because the intent behind what the person (your character) does will define whether he/her interacts with another from an honorable and respectful perspective or from an abusive one. 

Unfortunately, in real life many villains use aspects of BDSM to torture their victims, their partners, even their loved ones. These individuals I consider abusers and fall under the domestic violence heading.  Some of these abuses find their way into the BDSM lifestyle and hide behind the more Edgy aspects of the scene; however they are quickly identified by the community because of their lack of respect toward their submissives or lack of respect for their Dominant.  Keep in mind that the abuse can be either physical and/or emotional/psychological in nature. 

With that said, let’s look at the other side of the coin—as you put it, the “dark side” of the individual (character).  We all have a dark side to us. ALL OF US! However, we taper it when we’re angry and control our tempers. Some Dominants refuse to interact with their submissive when they’re angry.  Others will punish their slave and deny them the usual Aftercare the slave/submissive is used to receiving; thus reinforcing the fact that the slave’s behavior would not be tolerated nor condoned in the future.  At times we may push the envelope a bit too far and embrace that “dark side” what Freud called Thanatos and Jung called “the Shadow” persona.  And yes, at times we all are guilty of doing a little bit of damage to ourselves or those we love whether physically or emotionally when we don’t control our dark side.

However, it’s essential to understand that the “dark side” is also something to embrace and share with a lover; even something to be cherished for what it’ll bring to our lives.  The dark side is not always a bad thing! It merely needs to be unleashed in varying degrees and with an accepting partner. 

We can spend hours discussing this question alone and I do realize my response may bring up many other questions even opposing views.  In the end, the underlying truth and beauty of the “dark side” is its blessed duality.  That alone will move your characters and plot along for pages especially if you throw in the fact that the Dominant might actually be struggling with their desire to push further into the darkness and fear where it’ll take him or her and what type of person they will be when they reach the middle—never mind the other side!

  

3) In books, one common theme is having the submissive partner “take over” the dominant. Would this happen in real life? Or, do people normally stick within their roles?

Chuckles…that’s just not normal.  Ooops, I mean typical. Having the Dominant suddenly become the submissive is a big red flag and shows the author’s lack of understanding about the BDSM and D/s dynamics.  The easiest way for me to put it in vanilla terms is:  Having the dominant allow the submissive to take over is like telling your child they can spank you if you’re bad.  Not happening! It’s imperative to understand that there’s a hierarchy in BDSM and the interactions which occur between the individuals.  Changing those dynamics at the drop of a hat in a story or in a relationship destroys that hierarchy.  As a reader, it really frustrates me when this happens; even more annoying is the fact that it’s typically done with the Dominant female character as if allowing her submissive to dominant her will make the heroine more acceptable to the reader.  It makes me wonder why the author wouldn’t allow her heroine to remain the powerful matriarchy in the relationship. Were you punishing her for being so strong? Taking her down a peg or two? Making her more socially acceptable?

Yes, there are instances where the Dominant will allow the submissive to “do things” to them. For instances, some Dominants are sadomasochistic meaning they enjoy receiving pain as well.  These Dominants enjoy when their submissive pushes against them and the couple’s interactions are rougher and more primal. However, the Dominant always remains in control and will call a halt to the interactions when he or she wishes—never once relinquishing their power or control merely playing with it in a different manner. 

Keep in mind that there is a major difference between allowing your slave to tie you up and letting them explore your body, even Flog you, and actually “surrendering” to them.  It’s like the General who allows his soldier to argue his point yet in the end the General dictates what will be done and how.

Dr. Charley Ferrer

I discuss this power dynamic in greater detail in my book, BDSM FOR WRITERS, and will address it during the BDSM lecture series hosted by Savvy Authors starting August 15.  Unfortunately, this is one of those topics that really needs to be defined as it has many avenues to explore and can become very confusing.

I want to take a moment to thank you all for being with me today and sharing your comments and posing you’re questions. I also want to thank Louisa for allowing me to share some of my knowledge with you all. Please feel free to visit my website(s) for further information about BDSM whether from the perspective of a writer or reader. And if you reserve a copy of either BDSM FOR WRITERS or BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH you will not only receive a $500 Digital Erotic Art collection from Captured Erotica one of the photographers featured on my writers’ book cover, but you’ll be entered to win over 31 kinky toys and even a Kindle. But hurry since the offer is good for the first 300 people only to reserve/purchase their copy. Plus if you reserve a paperback copy today, I’ll throw in a free eBook copy so you can always have it with you.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer  

You can visit Dr. Charley at BDSM for Writers. Thanks so much for your generosity and insight. It’s been a pleasure to have you here.

Dr. Charley returns on Friday, August 5 to discuss her book BDSM The Naked Truth. Stay tuned for more!