For someone who regularly writes paranormal romance with stories about shifters, I guess having too many details isn't really a bad thing!
WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - .................................The writing is terrific--you have a great ear for language. You make great use of the jalapeño. The food details were vivid...................The interaction between Jocelyn and Justin towards the end of the story is charged with magnetism................A slow start but after the 2nd meeting when Jocelyn meets Justin the story takes off. Jocelyn's reactions to Justin are well described and their 2nd meeting is cute and builds rapidly to a perceived attraction and the first kiss................…........................
WHAT THE JUDGES
FEEL NEEDS WORK - .................................There's no need to
over-explain things. Trust your readers--we will be able to figure things out.
I'm not sure you need to switch POVs. You might try to write the entire story
from one side.............…...Is Justin going to accept easily Jocelyn magical
identity? Or Jocelyn mer-shift status will remain a secret?
...............Jocelyn as shape shifter was set up and described in too much
detail. Spend more time developing the relationship and show the obstacles to
their relationship rather than just hint at
them........................................
If you want to read the entry, here's the link A Wet Tail.
Now the wait starts for the next round!
All the best,
Louisa Bacio
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