Tuesday, January 17, 2012

5 Types of Drunks (& What You Can Learn)

As a writer and journalist, I’ve become an observer of humanity. I eavesdrop on conversations, picking up tidbits here and there. On New Year’s Eve, I watched the people around me drinking. The closer it got to midnight, the drunker everyone became. Right before countdown time, I hit the bathrooms, and encountered what I’ve now classified as one of the 5 types of drunks: The Weeper.

A Rainbow cocktail from Pat O'Briens
in New Orleans. And, yes, I drank it!
Here’s the Breakdown:

1) The Weeper: When the level of alcohol reaches a certain point, the tears begin to fall. Often, you’ll find these specimens hanging out in restrooms, lamenting about all of the “good years” they’ve given some guy, without anything in return. The midnight maudlin I’d run into was crying about how at 22 her life was over, and she’d given her boyfriend the last good five years. I wanted to tell her that really … there’s plenty of time left for heartbreak ;-) But who’s to listen to an old woman like me?

2) The Sleeper: I’ve got no idea how writers such as Stephen King and Anne Rice supposedly wrote these fantastic books while being drunk. After a few glasses of wine, I’m ready to hit the sheets, and not in a good way (see #5 below).

3) The Yeller: Ever heard the term “mean drunk?” It’s not just a cliché, but a category. Some say that liquor lets out true personalities, and some I’d rather not know. Usually, it’s men that fall into this niche, and if you know that you tend to pick fights and smash walls while drinking then maybe it’s better to abstain.

4) The Life of the Party: Take a shy person, mix in a few Cosmos and what do you get? Sometimes, a personality peeps out. Vivacious and friendly, people often wish that this hidden persona would show up more often.

5) The Sexy Drinker: Probably the classification most written about in erotic romance. Certainly, I don’t condone drinking into one gets “stupid,” and doesn’t know what they’re doing. But, if some of those inhibitions fall by the wayside, and the situation leaves them open to experiencing something new or pursuing that dream-mate, then it’s all good.

So what have I missed? Is there a category that I’m forgetting about? Do you know someone that falls into one of these categories? Usually when I write a post about drinking, I get a lot of comments about how the reader is not a drinker at all … fess up: What type of drinker are you? 


  1. So true! I'm a combo of 2 and 4 and 6: The Idiot. A glass of wine at home will put me to sleep. But, at my best friend's bridal party, we did chocolate cake shots and margaritas. In person, I'm painfully shy, but I get a little bit of personality with the shots. Unfortunately, I also say stupid things, such as "I like salty men" to my mother. Ahem.

  2. Oh Sarah! You are too funny. Good point. I'm probably 2 & 4 myself, but I put myself in situations where I can't be too shy. "Idiot!" Good category.

  3. I have to go with Sarah on this one, too - a 2, 4, and the idiot 6. I've blurted out things to people that should NEVER have been said after drinking a bit too much. Usually tequila. And I stopped doing massive quantities of tequila in my 20's. Well, except for that one instance in my 30s - but we don't talk about that.

    Cool post, Louisa!

  4. I have noticed a few other types:
    The "flirt" - he/she teases anyone who comes near, or even a stranger across the room. Intimate touching, seduction for more drinks. When propositioned for sex they often have a story like, "my husband/boyfriend or wife/gf..."

    The "solitary" - single people who want to be left alone with their drink(s). They usually find the darkest corners of the bar and stay until closing time when I take their car keys and call a cab.

    The "Fast Tracker" - they want to get "high" the quickest way possible. Their story is that their partner just left them or they lost their job, etc. and they want to forget it all. They often end up on the floor or in the john passed out.

    The vamp - After a few drinks they'll say things like: "is it hot in here?" and take off articles of clothing. Eventually they slip out with somebody and return after an hour or so and repeat.

    On any night there are plenty of hunters & prey that prowl the bar. You have an excellent list. -D

  5. Christine -- and now you stick to nice glasses of wine, right? Tequila can do you bad. I had one night I don't remember much of, except waking up in the morning and asking if we were going back to my uncles house, and I was told we were already there ...

    Dave -- Excellent additions! I've definitely seen the Solitary drinker. The Fast Tracker in the bathroom, has to be added to The Weeper for one reason. When talking with a friend today, she brought up that it's awfully hard to get The Weeper OUT of the bathroom!

  6. I am so going to post this...hilarious! Unfortunately I am a combo between the mean drunk and the horny drunk...lol

  7. Horny? Who said anything about horny? I thought I used the word "sexy" ;-) And, what are you doing up so late?

  8. Hmmm, got a message about errors with commenting, so I'll test it out. Jeff suggested a Mellow Drunk!